


When A Warm Smile Is No Longer Enough

by TheWhatMage



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 06:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhatMage/pseuds/TheWhatMage
Summary: Ashe had always had a small history of mental health issues. Her girlfriend and best friends would always help her get through it, but some times, some events occur that mean that more than just a warm smile and kind words will have to be used.





	When A Warm Smile Is No Longer Enough

When Firi began to date Ashe, she knew what kind of person Ashe was. Firi was well aware of how she reacted to certain situations and made mental notes on how to properly combat these when they arose. Ashe had always been an anxious girl and was very self-critical towards her life and what she was doing. She always complained that she wasn't doing what she wanted to and ' _begin stuck in some dead end corpse of a job_ ' as she often put it was the main cause of her defeatist attitude. Firi was the main antidote to this poisonous outlook on life and while Firi could never fully heal Ashe, she could at least get her through another day.

Firi and Ashe worked together. As a couple, they made sure it worked. They worked off each other well, had similar interests and made sure to give each other gifts and spend as much time together as possible. The only real problem in the relationship was Ashe was often too nervous to ask for anything, despite the fact that Firi would do anything for Ashe if she asked. The few times she managed to get into words what she wanted and allowed them to be heard by Firi, it was something simple like ' _Do you wanna hold hands?_ ' or ' _Can we hug?_ '. A few times Ashe managed to ask for a kiss and Firi always happily accepted. Both wanted more, and Firi knew if she took the lead in the relationship, they would both be able to get what they wanted. She decided against it because if Ashe didn't overcome what was keeping her back, she would never get better.

Ashe and Firi had many friends that would try and speed up their relationship for them, but it never worked. Markus, Gregor, Inien, Kyr, everyone. At least those that were bothered. Inien mostly just wanted gossip. It never worked though. Out of all of them, Markus probably made the most progress, they always had a special bond and Ashe would always listen to what he had to say, as long as it wasn't some crazy crap he found online to help. They all knew what kind of person Ashe was as well, so while they always tried to motivate Ashe, they all knew their boundaries and tried their best to stick to them. 

When Ashe got into one of her moods where she became extremely critical, Firi was always there to help her and if she wasn't, one of her friends would always take her place. Ashe could get like this for a few days at a time at most and after a couple of these events happened in the span of two weeks, Firi decided to take the lead for once. She walked up to Ashe who was eating a tub of ice cream on her sofa, sat down and began eating with her. She knew that if she just sprung what she was about to say to Ashe without getting Ashe comfortable first would be too much. After a while Ashe began to speak about her problems again, mostly about work and customers she had to deal with. About how she was taken advantage of there and wasn't appreciated. As they spoke and the ice cream soon dissipated, Firi watched as Ashe got more comfortable and while Ashe was still in the mood to talk, began talking.

'Would you like to live together?'. Firi spoke very gently but firmly, keeping eye contact with Ashe. Making sure to wear a warm smile and made sure she had open body language, she waited for Ashe to respond.

Ashe watched Firi trying to figure out what just happened, but after seeing nothing but her warmth and love for Ashe on her face, she realised what she was asking. It took all Ashe could muster to not tear up but unfortunately for her, she also had to respond. She began to hesitate her words out, not sure what to say. At this, Firi inched closer and softly took Ashe's hand in hers. This helped Ashe now as it often did before.

'Of course' was all Ashe could muster before the tears began to flow and she collapsed into Firi's chest. Firi wrapped her arms around her and gently swayed to calm Ashe down as she cried into her chest. However, unlike the previous times where Ashe would cry out of sadness or pressure, this time it was out of relief. 

Soon after, preparations were made.

Firi took time away from her art in order to help Ashe pack while Ashe worked. She often argued against this but Firi didn't want Ashe to stress about too much at once. Soon Ashe was fully packed, everything neat and tidily put into boxes and were moved to Firi's home. Firi's apartment was much larger than Ashe's so there was plenty of space for the boxes and everything inside them. 

Ashe had been to Firi's apartment before, its large size being very well received by anyone coming over and allowing large gatherings of all their friends, but this was the first time Ashe really thought about what was here. Hallway, Storage room, one bedroom, living room, dining room, one bedroom, kitchen, one bedroom, bathroom, one bedroom, one bedroom, ONE BEDROOM. This thought was accompanied by Firi taking the boxes that contained Ashe's clothes being moved into the bedroom in which all of Firi's clothes were. 

Ashe and Firi had spelt together on a few occasions, but those times were on the sofa after a long night or just feeling too comfy. Doing the same on a bed while technically the same thing were worlds apart. Light years apart for Ashe. Firi said that Ashe could sleep on the sofa until she felt comfortable but the response by Ashe of ' _No I want to sleep on a bed_ ' while not being the most romantic way to phrase it, was Ashe's was of saying she was comfortable with the bed situation even if she wasn't comfortable saying why, but Firi could guess why.

As the new weeks dawned the change of scenery definitely helped Ashe's mental condition and her perception of herself. Ashe had been living in her little apartment for a good four years at that point, and this new location, larger and nicer, with a nice girlfriend coming with it allowed Ashe to wake up in a better mood. She would still come home and complain to Firi about the variety of ' _dickheads'_ and ' _arse-heads'_ that she would have to deal with. Her work situation had not changed, but at least Firi knew she was making some positive contribution. Now Firi had taken the lead for once, and while she never wants that to become a habit, she was happy she chose such a good time to do so.

As the months went by, as Firi suspected, the 'new apartment excitement' slowly faded. Ashe went back to her old ways again, but at least now, Firi was there 100% of the time when she needed to vent out her frustrations. Their friends were still there of course but Firi's home was her home now, so almost all of the time, Firi was the one to hear it. There were a few times, when Ashe had to deal with especially horrid people, and her day was so astronomically ruined and mood so low that Ashe never even bothered coming home, and chose to wander the streets. Firi couldn't drive so could not exactly search for her, but thankfully a couple of her friends could. Both Thog and Markus could drive but Thog was often very busy with his own work to help, but Markus was always available, even if he was in the middle of work. He would get a call from Firi and even if he was not there to pick up, as soon as he sees that Firi called him, it was clear what had happened. 

Markus would search around a few select places. A nearby cafe, the local library, a cake shop that Ashe was born for, as she claims whenever she eats one, or just wandering a selection of side alleys that people don't tend to walk down. She is often at one of these locations, however this time was a sole exception. After going around the same places as well as nearby places, ones to eat or anywhere to buy books, he soon called up Firi to ask if Ashe had gone home while he was looking. Her answer made Markus continue his search. After a while more of searching and confused glances of those he continued to drive past, Markus had the idea to check someplace he hadn't needed to before. Driving along outside of Ashe's old apartment, he finally spotted Ashe on the steps to the front door to the building, arms and head in her knees. Getting out and going over to her, Markus could tell this was a bad day, so instead of acting the fool, just went up to her and sat with her on the steps. 

After a while Ashe popped her head out of the hiding place she placed herself in and looked at Markus with a mixed look of genuine concern and goofiness that he couldn't help. Her eyes were red from tears, which had made marks down her face and went all the way down her clothes. Markus could tell today was a bad day because as she explained to him what was wrong, she was hardly above a whisper. The odd thing was nothing was particularly bad about the story she told. Some old fart was being difficult and wouldn't accept yes or no as an answer. That was it. Ashe had dealt with far worse than that, but Markus supposed that a day can start bad and just get worse. After Ashe had calmed down, she and Markus got into his car and drove off. However instead of going back to her and Firi's apartment, went into a side alley and turned off the engine.

'Uhh...Markus what are you doing? I'm not in the mood for this so can you please just take me home'. Markus could hear the tiredness in her voice that was making her sound so snappy, but Markus simply ignored her and turned to Ashe.

'Ashe are you feeling okay? I mean in general?' He tried not to sound too concerned but Markus was never the master of deception he claimed to be.

At this, Ashe simply fell quiet. A few minutes passed with Markus never tuning away from Ashe, same look on his face. After a few more minutes passed, and a couple more after that, Ashe finally turned to face Markus'

'I just...I see Firi and she seems so put together. So complete. Like everything has worked out for her. She made it in the world as an artist, which is fucking impossible to do, and I can't even handle a simple job. It's too much for me...' Markus could tell this had been the real reason for why she wouldn't come home as the tears started to flow again and she tried to curl up into her original position on Markus's seat. Her voice was cracking up more and more with each passing syllable, as if they were physically hurting her to say. '...Markus...I'm a mess. I can't deal with THIS SHIT ANYMORE'. Her voice was rising into a yell, more of a shout at herself than anything, but she was able to catch herself. After apologising for shouting, Markus wouldn't accept it.

'Ashe, it's okay to be angry. It's a situation everyone goes through and it's infuriating.' His voice was the calmest Ashe had ever heard and it definitely helped he wasn't making some dumb joke about it all. 'Everyone goes through it, and everyone gets through to the other side. I know you Ashe. I know who you are and I know from first hand experience that you are going to leap through that finish line, and end up where you think Firi is'

Ashe had began to smile but it soon faded as another thought came to mind. Markus watched and waited for Ashe to say what she was thinking.

'But...why hasn't it happened yet. It's been so, so long, and nothing has come from it. What if it never happens...'

'Well then in that situation, I'll push you over the finish line'

While half-genuine, half-joke, Ashe smiled at the thought and both began to laugh lightly. It wasn't funny but both just felt they had to laugh at the situation. Ashe seemed to be back to normal now, and thanked Markus for talking to her. With a slight nod of a 'you're welcome' from Markus, he started up the engines and drove Ashe back to Firi, Ashe giving her a call on the way just to tell Firi she was safe. After arriving, Markus gave a wave and sped off back to work to get another scolding from his boss. Ashe and Firi waved back before going inside. Firi made some hot chocolate for the pair, making sure to give Ashe an extra helping of mini-marshmallows, and both sat on the sofa, talking. Talking like they did when Ashe was in the best mood.

During that night, Ashe had fallen asleep early, worn out from all the crying she did, and Firi took this opportunity to give Markus a call. Markus took this time to explain what happened with Ashe and himself, before Markus began to chip in.

'I really think you may want to get her some antidepressants. You have to know she has been getting worse and worse lately. I would get them...just in case'. Markus was just about to go home to sleep, but with the content of the conversation they were having, decided to wake himself up before driving home from his extra late shift to talk about this.

This was a situation Firi never wanted to find herself or Ashe in. Especially Ashe. But with a defeated sigh, Firi simply agreed to go see what they can do next weekend. To this, Markus simply asked Firi to do this as soon as possible before both said their goodbyes and hang up. 'I'm serious Firi, you need to do this before something happens to tip her over the edge'. And with that he was gone, with the droning beeps of the phone in Firi's hand being the only sound. Firi didn't want to admit Markus was right. No one ever wanted to admit Markus was right, but right now, Firi knew it more than anything else. The hardest part would be getting Ashe to actually go. With this thought, Firi went back to their bedroom, where Ashe slept like an angel, got changed into her special Thursday night pyjamas and got in with Ashe, careful not to wake her. She slept harder then normal that night, but soon fell under until morning.

Friday was a normal day. The day came and went like a normal Friday. Everyone from every school and job was excited for the weekend, meaning that Ashe didn't have to deal with assholes as everyone was in a better mood than normal. Ashe worked, was as board as a normal girl should be with their job, and came home without issue. Firi was home with a commission she had received a few days back and was nearing completion. It was as beautiful as all her other pieces, and Ashe made sure to comment this every time. The day continued to go one, Firi with the constant thought of asking Ashe to see if she needed antidepressants, but wanted to wait until the right moment. After finishing the final touches on her piece, receiving a small applaud from her one audience member. Firi decided that this would be the time. Firi had Ashe's full attention and Firi thought there would be no better time tonight to say anything. Firi was very good at deciding when to say something or do something, but one thing she couldn't add into her calculations was the phone ringing.

Ashe picked up the phone to discover Inien on the other side. Ashe noticed she was sounding distressed so left the room back into their bedroom. Firi was left alone in the living room unable to get the first word out. However, Firi had already decided now would be the time, so waited for Ashe to finish her call with Inien so they could talk. This thought process took less than 10 seconds for Firi to think, conclude and move on, with 10 seconds being all the time she had until she heard a bash coming from the bedroom. Firi left and went to the bedroom, expecting to see Ashe clumsily spread across the floor after tripping over her own foot, but this is not what she saw.

Ashe was in a fetal position on the floor against the bed, looking worse than she had ever been. She was hyperventilating as if she was starved of oxygen, and looked as if she was trying to scream but no sound was escaping.. Firi's heart dropped seeing the woman she loved in this state and rushed over the help, not bothering to hide the fear in her voice. As tears began to flow endlessly from Ashe's eyes, she could barely get out a word before pointing to the phone she was speaking on, which was still connected to Iniens call. Hesitantly, Firi picked up the phone and began to speak.

'H-hello? Inien? What happened? What did you say?!'

Inien was speaking through heavy tears, and before she could even say a thing, Firi had a rough idea of what could have happened. Firi was very good at this. Firi hated that she soon found out her hunch was correct. There is only one time Inien would be this distraught about anything. It had to have been about her roommate. It had to do with her boyfriend that was also her roommate. It had to had been about Markus.

'I-I-' Inien could barely speak. Just from those few sounds, Firi could tell Inien had been crying so much that she was dehydrated. 'Markus...It's M-m-m-markus'

_Oh god no_

'He...was coming home when'

_please not this. No no NO NO_

'oh god...the other car'

_NO. Please be kidding._

'He's gone, Firi...oh...god'

_Ashe..._

And with this, the heavy sobs began again on the phone. Firi began to cry as well, as her legs began to give out on her and she collapsed onto her knees next to Ashe. Ashe and Firi put their arms around each other while Inien was on the phone with them. They could hear nothing but each other. They sat there, and they cried. They cried so much they they felt they could vomit. After a while, Inien went off the phone. She was about to vomit. That just left Ashe and Firi. They sat there, unable to say a word, cradling one another, and stayed for what felt like hours. They sat there.

And they cried until there was nothing left to cry with.

As Saturday rolled around it's ugly head, everyone travelled to Inien's and Markus's home. The reactions were mixed. Some like Thog would make sure no one could see the few tears that travelled down his face, all the way up to others like Kyr, Gregor and Ashe, who were shaking with how real the situation was. While there, no food was prepared, so decorations were put up, but there everyone stayed. Even Kyr and Dont who couldn't sit still stayed with everyone else. It was the worst day. As Thog dropped Ashe and Firi home late that night, and for one of the view times hugged Ashe. Ashe hugged back and they stayed there for a minute until Thog finally broke the hug and rubbed Ashe's back. With a quiet 'See ya' he got back into his car and drove off. Firi could see that Ashe was too tired to breakdown at this point. It was now that Firi decided to act out the last request Markus asked of her, and spoke to Ashe. Finally for the first time, Firi spoke to Ashe about getting help.

Ashe heard every word, but only about half registered. She agreed to getting the help and taking antidepressants, and as the Sunday morning came, they both got ready to see the doctor. It was as Markus suspected. Ashe was diagnosed with depression and was given a prescription of antidepressants to take once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Due to the next few weeks being about Markus's funeral, it was hard to tell if the antidepressants were effective, but as Ashe never got as bad as when the news broke, so they had to have been doing something to help her.

For the next few months, the group of friends had to slowly recover, but they knew they could never heal completely. During this time, Ashe was allowed off from work, so it was clear that when she smiled for the first time in four months, it was genuine, and the antidepressants were effective. After a while, the name Markus stopped being connected with the sadness and trauma of his sudden death but was said happily in context of one of his hundreds of stories, anecdotes and jokes. Ashe was even able to join in on some of these conversations.

On certain days, Ashe may have forgotten to take her antidepressants, and while to begin with she would seem the same, it was when one of these stories arose, it was clear that something was off. She would sink into the chair she was in and a blank stare would creep over her expression. She would hardly emote and would excuse herself to curl up into a ball where no one could see her. Firi would notice though. She always noticed. So she left to join her, and sit with her. Thankfully those days were not that common, but it was clear that Ashe didn't want to be on the medication, but it was clear to Firi she wasn't ready to stop. Not after so little time and the death of a friend.

Soon, it became a challenge to get Ashe to take the medicine. Firi would have to force Ashe to take them, and while she would struggle and curse beforehand, afterwards, she would thank Firi and tell her to continue what shes doing. Firi hated forcing Ashe to do anything but both knew this had to be done. The days passed and the medication became much more a central part of Ashe's routine, working like clockwork. Ashe went back to work, and started to regain her complaints about her work, but now, they seemed like much less of an issue. With what Ashe had been through in the last couple of months, it was child-play. Ashe and Firi lived their lives as normal. It was as if nothing had happened. Time passes and the wounds healed. They could smile again, and laugh but could also cry when the time came. Ashe would still cry about Markus, even a year after his death and Firi would always be there. Or Inien. Or Gregor. Or anyone. They would always be there for each other when the time came. The news of Ashe's medication was very common, so everyone knew what to do, and knew what new boundaries existed. All they had to do was live. Live their lives and hope that as time goes on, Ashe would get out of the rut of her job, and Firi hoped, she prayed that at some point, they could take that medication, and throw it into a late. That way, Firi could experience Ashe's purely genuine smile again without the aid of medicine. They all knew it would take a while for this to happen, and they would support and love fully until that day came. Then love and support each other afterwards.

Firi smiled thinking about that day.

So did Ashe.


End file.
